Monday, September 10, 2012


Alright, so I lied. This post isn't about my trip to Colorado. It's about something else.

Today is Suicide Awareness Day, and while it's coming to an end, I still feel that it is something I need to talk about. Sometimes you get to a place that is so dark that you just don't see yourself coming out of it, and you ask why should you even try? At least, I have asked that before. Sometimes I've felt so powerless and depressed that I just couldn't think of anything else.

I've had friends in worse situations; I've known people that have tried. Sometimes it isn't easy to come back from that point. However, if you are lucky you have people around you that make it possible. You find strength in something and hold on to it or it holds on to you.

My savior has always been the love of my family, boyfriend, friends, support from people I've met through The Bloggess, and as strange as it may seem my cats. All of them love me and value me for who I am. I have to believe that there's a reason they love me and a reason that I'm here.

The times when you aren't sure of yourself are the times when you need to get the lies out of your head. Make a journal full of things that make you happy like stickers or pictures of people you love. Find a song or a saying (both if you want). Just hold on to whatever it is that keeps you sane and makes you happy. Know that people out there care. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm open and I'm sure there are many others out there that are as well.

Love yourself. You are special.

Saturday, September 1, 2012


Once again I realize it has been a while since I've written. However, I try not to write when I'm feeling particularly depressed or so mixed up that I'm not sure what my feelings are. That, and I have been away on two trips. I think I shall cover the first trip in this post, and then tomorrow if I'm feeling alright I shall post about the other one.

The first trip I went on was to Florida with my boyfriend, his family, and his sister's boyfriend. We drove, so that was already promising to be interesting. It took me forever to pack not because I didn't know what to pack though. Since I was traveling with his family, I didn't want to bring 500 lbs of things, and I was coming back on an airplane instead of driving with them, so I also didn't want to leave them with a lot of my stuff. I managed to get everything into a backpack, my purse, and another small bag. His family was shocked that all I had brought was that. This immediately brought out a sense of pride because I often over pack.

I'd never been through some of the states we drove through, so that was fun. Of course, I also ended up sleeping a lot of the way. For some reason car trips just knock me out. I've been known to fall asleep on a car ride that lasted all of 5 minutes. That's honestly how bad I am with it.

We stayed in a condo while we were there which was lovely. My family usually stays in hotels when we go places, but his will rent a place that is in the city they are staying in. It was really nice having a lot of room.

Anyway, we were actually there to see a wedding. Now, other than his immediate family, I've had no meeting with the rest of his family. On this trip I was meeting a lot of his mother's family. Cue nerves. The first night we were to go to a cook out at his aunt and uncle's place. The house was lovely and right by the water.  However, it was hard to enjoy that at first since I was unsure of what to do. Oh I know to shake hands and everything, but I am horrible with speaking to people I'm meeting for the first time if it is in a group setting. Fortunately, this time my mouth was actually able to form words into sentences, and they actually made sense!!!

It was  a very wonderful evening. Anyway, we went to the wedding the next day which was absolutely gorgeous. It was on the beach, so it had a very pretty back drop as well. His family was so lovely.

We went to the beach a few times of course. My tan line is an absolutely lovely reminder of that. Fortunately most of it is where you can't see. We also rented a pontoon boat and went tubing. Okay I didn't do the tubing but his dad, mom sister's boyfriend, aunts and his cousin with his girlfriend did. I was too nervous about it, especially after they thought they saw a shark. As we were leaving, we saw a pod of dolphins. There were babies and their parents. It was so magical. Some of them came quite close, and a few started jumping.

We also ended up going to Pensacola beach which was really interesting. Fish kept nipping at us, and one got in my swimsuit. I also kicked one. Finally, on the last day...we went parasailing. I hate heights, so this took all my control to not vomit out of nerves. However, I think I was too tired from the night before to care which was nice. My boyfriend and I went up together, and I had a death grip on the straps the whole time. It was a gorgeous view, but that still didn't take my fear away. Still, I did it!!!!!

It really was a lovely trip. I definitely want to go back there again some day.