Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Oops my bad

Well, I'm not sure that anybody is reading this, but if you are I'm so sorry that I haven't written in so long. Life has been super busy and crazy. However, I am now back.

Christmas
My mother, brother, sister and I were all together for the holidays. For the first time, we had a dog with us. His name is Dozer, and he is my brother's dog. He is just so very cute. Anyway, it was such a great time. All of us were so spoiled, especially Dozer. My brother says his mission is to destroy his toys, so the first toy he "opened" on Christmas already had a hole in it by the time he got his second one. It was actually pretty cute. The rest of us had a lot of fun opening gifts, eating, and just spending a lot of time together. The four of us hardly ever get to be together all at once. We're really close, so that's always hard for us.

New Years
My first kiss of the new year was pretty great. I had a good time with my friends and of course my boyfriend. I made a few resolutions which I have actually managed to keep so far.

Now I shall share some goals that I have for this coming year/semester.

1. I will exercise for an hour at least 5 days a week. (So far I have done it 7 days a week. I'm pretty proud of myself since I usually start feeling bad about myself and stop.)
2. I will get As in both the classes that I'm taking. (I'm slightly worried about practicals, but I think I can do it.
3. I will get accepted to the teaching program I want to get in.
4. I will get better at photography.
5. I will be better about posting here even if it is only once a month.

If you are reading this and want to know anything, let me know. Answering questions is fun. :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Why hello blog!
It has been a long time. I promise it was not my intention to leave you for so long. Things have been happening in my life, and I have been struggling quite a bit.

It's a hard thing to not know what to do and to feel like you aren't good enough. That has kind of been what I've been going through. I've been so lost; I have a long term goal, but I have no idea what to do right now. On top of that, I've been having problems with my own self-esteem. For a while I was in a kind of dark place, but I managed to drag myself out of it with the support of others.

I have made a few goals for myself, and I would like to share them.

1. I am participating in NaNoWriMo. For those of you that don't know, that stands for National Novel Writing Month. In the month of November you write a 50,000 word novel. It can be about anything, but your goal is to get 50,000 words by the end of the month. I started a little late, so I'm already behind. However, I am determined to get it. Of course I may be a nutcase by the end of it, but it's a risk I will take because I love writing and someday hope to be an author.

2. I am going to try become an animal rehabilitator. That wouldn't be my main career, but it's something I think that I would enjoy. I've always loved animals, and I'd like to do something to help them.

3. I will get rid of 5 lbs of my body weight. I've lost a little so far, but I want that 5 lbs gone.

4. I'm going to try and think of one positive thing about myself each day. My self-esteem is bad, and I need and want to do something about that myself.

Those are the top 4 things right now. I will be back with updates from time to time on those, and I'm planning on posting about other things in my life right now.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Loved

Alright, so I lied. This post isn't about my trip to Colorado. It's about something else.

Today is Suicide Awareness Day, and while it's coming to an end, I still feel that it is something I need to talk about. Sometimes you get to a place that is so dark that you just don't see yourself coming out of it, and you ask why should you even try? At least, I have asked that before. Sometimes I've felt so powerless and depressed that I just couldn't think of anything else.

I've had friends in worse situations; I've known people that have tried. Sometimes it isn't easy to come back from that point. However, if you are lucky you have people around you that make it possible. You find strength in something and hold on to it or it holds on to you.

My savior has always been the love of my family, boyfriend, friends, support from people I've met through The Bloggess, and as strange as it may seem my cats. All of them love me and value me for who I am. I have to believe that there's a reason they love me and a reason that I'm here.

The times when you aren't sure of yourself are the times when you need to get the lies out of your head. Make a journal full of things that make you happy like stickers or pictures of people you love. Find a song or a saying (both if you want). Just hold on to whatever it is that keeps you sane and makes you happy. Know that people out there care. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm open and I'm sure there are many others out there that are as well.

Love yourself. You are special.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Florida

Once again I realize it has been a while since I've written. However, I try not to write when I'm feeling particularly depressed or so mixed up that I'm not sure what my feelings are. That, and I have been away on two trips. I think I shall cover the first trip in this post, and then tomorrow if I'm feeling alright I shall post about the other one.

The first trip I went on was to Florida with my boyfriend, his family, and his sister's boyfriend. We drove, so that was already promising to be interesting. It took me forever to pack not because I didn't know what to pack though. Since I was traveling with his family, I didn't want to bring 500 lbs of things, and I was coming back on an airplane instead of driving with them, so I also didn't want to leave them with a lot of my stuff. I managed to get everything into a backpack, my purse, and another small bag. His family was shocked that all I had brought was that. This immediately brought out a sense of pride because I often over pack.

I'd never been through some of the states we drove through, so that was fun. Of course, I also ended up sleeping a lot of the way. For some reason car trips just knock me out. I've been known to fall asleep on a car ride that lasted all of 5 minutes. That's honestly how bad I am with it.

We stayed in a condo while we were there which was lovely. My family usually stays in hotels when we go places, but his will rent a place that is in the city they are staying in. It was really nice having a lot of room.

Anyway, we were actually there to see a wedding. Now, other than his immediate family, I've had no meeting with the rest of his family. On this trip I was meeting a lot of his mother's family. Cue nerves. The first night we were to go to a cook out at his aunt and uncle's place. The house was lovely and right by the water.  However, it was hard to enjoy that at first since I was unsure of what to do. Oh I know to shake hands and everything, but I am horrible with speaking to people I'm meeting for the first time if it is in a group setting. Fortunately, this time my mouth was actually able to form words into sentences, and they actually made sense!!!

It was  a very wonderful evening. Anyway, we went to the wedding the next day which was absolutely gorgeous. It was on the beach, so it had a very pretty back drop as well. His family was so lovely.

We went to the beach a few times of course. My tan line is an absolutely lovely reminder of that. Fortunately most of it is where you can't see. We also rented a pontoon boat and went tubing. Okay I didn't do the tubing but his dad, mom sister's boyfriend, aunts and his cousin with his girlfriend did. I was too nervous about it, especially after they thought they saw a shark. As we were leaving, we saw a pod of dolphins. There were babies and their parents. It was so magical. Some of them came quite close, and a few started jumping.

We also ended up going to Pensacola beach which was really interesting. Fish kept nipping at us, and one got in my swimsuit. I also kicked one. Finally, on the last day...we went parasailing. I hate heights, so this took all my control to not vomit out of nerves. However, I think I was too tired from the night before to care which was nice. My boyfriend and I went up together, and I had a death grip on the straps the whole time. It was a gorgeous view, but that still didn't take my fear away. Still, I did it!!!!!

It really was a lovely trip. I definitely want to go back there again some day.

Monday, July 23, 2012

I have realized that I have not posted in some time. I'd like you to know it isn't because something has happened to me..like in a bad way. I have gone on many adventures with people and by myself. I even managed to get lost in the Wal Mart in my town. For those of you that actually know me, you'll admit that you aren't really that shocked I'm sure, but for others this may be the first time you are hearing about my less than stellar navigation skills. Yes, I'm still here, and yes I shall be making a post...right now.

Currently, my boyfriend's family is interested in getting some Australian Shepherd puppies, so I've been looking around hoping to help. During my search I have come across Australian Shepherd puppies, but I've also discovered something else....I should NEVER be allowed to look at pet ads unless I'm actually going to get one. I want so many of them.

My count so far is 10 dogs, 2 bunnies, and 3 kittens. Clearly I can't afford all of them, and I don't have a place for them. Goodness save my poor boyfriend when I start trying to collect all the animals in the world. Right now the one that I really want is a chug. There's one that has a picture that makes it look like it's posing for a painting.

I don't know what to do with all this animal want...

Saturday, July 7, 2012

So the even that I'm writing about actually happened last Saturday, but I have not been sure how to write about it. I think I have it now.

Last Saturday one of my friends got married. I've known her since sophomore year in high school, and I was definitely excited. My boyfriend and I went to the church (without getting lost!!!), and sat there for a bit. It gave me some time to look around. Everything was really simple, but it was really nice. I'd been a little worried that it would be awkward being there around all the family and close friends, but then I recognized some people. It made the nerves go down for me.

Then, the ceremony began. The bridesmaids all looked lovely (silver dresses), and the ring bearer carried in an oven mitt since both my friend and her husband are both chefs. Then she came in, and I immediately felt a tug. She looked absolutely gorgeous, and even more than that she looked so completely and utterly happy and excited. She was probably also nervous, but I could not tell and the song she chose to walk into was absolutely perfect. It was Here Comes the Sun-The Beatles

The ceremony was short and simple, but it was definitely very personal. The two had clearly gotten to know the person doing the ceremony, and he even connected the culinary world with their marriage. It was just lovely. The two of them were just so sweet, and you could definitely feel their love just enveloping everything. It's so nice to see couples like that.

Afterwards we went to her reception. We waited for her to get there, and I had a chance to look around. There were pictures of the two of them on one of the tables. By the door was a box and some recipe cards where we were to write them a recipe for a happy life together. I thought it was such a cute idea...it did take me a while to come up with something. Next to that was the favor table. An aunt had made jam and put it into jars. (Cranberry and strawberry..sooooo goood!!!) They came, and then we ate. She had actually made her own reception meal. We are from Texas, and it was BBQ; it was pretty perfect. Only problem was...I wanted to keep eating. Rest of the night was speeches, cake and dancing. Through it all, I couldn't help but keep looking at her and her husband. They were so happy and glowing. It just made you have warm fuzzies all over. Some day I hope to have something like that.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

There are times when I have everything planned. I know where I'm going, and I know what I'm doing. However, most times I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. In those times sometimes I panic and freak out and others I'm fine with it. It's the times when I panic and freak like I did for about an hour or two a few days ago that I have to remind myself why I should remain calm and think of things I can do. Sometimes it's hard, so I decided to write them down here. Maybe it will just be a help to me, but it might help others that might be reading this.

1. I WILL figure it out eventually. It's hard to realize this while you're imagining yourself in all different bad situations, but it is true. It might not be as fast as I would like, but it will happen. Even if it is only what I plan to do tomorrow or even just a few hours from now, I will figure out something.
2. It's alright to not always know. Not everything is expected; not everything has to be planned. Sometimes I've found what I want to do by simply doing nothing. I just stopped thinking about it, and it came on it's own. Sometimes, you can over think something to the point where you can't clearly get an idea.
3. You can experiment. The last time that I started to panic that I didn't know what I was going to do with my life, I made biscuits for the first time. I just got up and decided to do it, and I've been trying stuff like that for a while. Going out and doing something new is distracting, and it gets you to laugh and relax a little.

Yes, there are only three, but they are the important ones for me. I may not know what I'm going to do my whole life, but I know that I will have fun getting there. I know it will be an adventure, and that in part is what life is supposed to be like.